In today’s America, everyone’s got a story about taxes, some complain they’re too high, others wish billionaires would finally chip in. But for 46-year-old Brent Mallory, taxes are a distant, almost mythical concept. That’s because the federal government hasn’t acknowledged his existence in over a decade. We sat down with Brent to talk about his unusual, paperwork-free life.
Q: Let’s start with the obvious, how did the government “forget” you?
Brent: I filed an extension in 2012, and then I just… never heard back. No angry letters, no audits, nothing. It was like I vanished. I even moved three times, and the mail never caught up. At first I thought the IRS was building a case, but eventually I realized that they just lost me.
Q: That sounds almost too good to be true. Are you sure you’re not committing fraud?
Brent: If fraud means “being ignored so hard I stopped existing in a legal sense,” then yes. But it’s not like I tried to disappear. I still have a Costco membership. I just don’t have a social security footprint. In the eyes of the government, I’m virtually dead.
Q: How does this affect your day-to-day life?
Brent: Well, it’s freeing. I don’t pay taxes, renew my license, or get jury duty summons. But it’s also complicated. I can’t get a passport because technically I don’t exist.
Q: Have you ever tried to fix the situation?
Brent: Oh, definitely. I once went to the Social Security office and handed them my birth certificate, and the woman just looked at it and said, “Sir, this file doesn’t exist in the system. I’m legally not allowed to help you.” Then she gave me a pamphlet about identity theft.
Q: Do you feel guilty about not paying taxes?
Brent: Not at all. I tried to log into TurboTax once, but the software just crashed and displayed a photo of Mitt Romney eating pancakes. That felt like a sign.
Q: What’s your plan going forward?
Brent: I figure I’ll ride this out until the government remembers me. If they ever do, I’ll just tell them I was dead the whole time. People fake deaths; why can’t I fake life?
Q: Last question: Do you think the government will eventually catch on?
Brent: Probably, but until then, I’m technically the freest man in America. Which is ironic, because freedom here usually costs about 22% of your income.
